Skul n' Co
by AbbersA
Summary: This is basically all the mush in my head after i finished the Skulduggery Pleasant series. I love the books and i decided to fill the void left after TDOTL came out by writing fanfic. I'm excited.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Valkyrie ran. She ran like Satan himself was on her tail. Perhaps he was. She had no idea what she was running from, but she was pretty sure it was big and black and _bad._

The girl behind her wanted to stop. She wanted to fight. But Valkyrie had been very firm. _If you stop running, the monster won't be the only thing you need to worry about, you little creep._ Well, by firm, she meant cruel.

"How're you holding up, Alice?" Valkyrie yelled back.

"My feet hurt, my lungs hurt and my nose hurts. I think I'm going to die." She replied and Valkyrie smiled.

"So long as you're surviving. _Left!"_ They veered left and the monster behind them roared.

"Where is he?" Alice asked, just as a skeleton in a black suit swept her off her feet and pushed her around onto his back.

"You alright, little one?" Skulduggery Pleasant asked her fondly.

"Nope, I am definitely one-hundred percent _not_ alright." Alice murmured, scowling.

"You know you look exactly like your sister when you frown like that?" He laughed. She just scowled even more.

"Right, after three, we're going to turn around and blast this thing's brains out. One… two… THREE!"

Skulduggery with Alice on his back and Valkyrie with a gauntlet on her hand turned around to face the thing coming at them. It was probably the size of a small car and had a face like a porcupine. If you can imagine it. It was jet black and had weird little T-rex-hands.

Valkyrie blasted it with some white lightning at the same time as Skulduggery threw some fire. It made it stop in its tracks, which were big because, my God, its feet were massive.

"Skulduggery, look at its feet. How does it even walk? It's like one of those clowns." Alice whispered in his… where his ear should have been.

"Alison, dear, I appreciate the effort you put into that metaphor, but I'm _slightly_ preoccupied right now… you know… saving your life!"

"Right, I get it. Sorry."

By this point, Valkyrie had the thing on the ground and was kicking it repeatedly in the head.

"Should we arrest it? I feel like we should arrest it. Skulduggery, can I arrest it?" Valkyrie said.

"Well… I have absolutely no idea what it is or where it came from and it's way too big to fit in the Bentley. Maybe we should just let it off with a serious warning." Skulduggery bent down over the creature. "I tell you what, I'll tie it to that tree and then I'll call the Sanctuary and get them to come and pick it up for… I don't know, whatever they do to insentient beings. If it is one. I honestly have no idea."

The tied it to the tree then walked back to the Bentley.

"I'm in the front!" Alice yelled, but Valkyrie was too quick and was in the car and had her seatbelt on before her sister even reached it. "Idiot."

"Well, what can I say? I'm just better at sitting in the front than you. I have more style." Valkyrie smirked, reaching behind her and patting Alice's leg.

"And more of an ego. Seatbelt, Alison." Skulduggery said, straightening his hat in the wing-mirror and starting the engine.

"I _told_ you, everyone else calls me Alice. Why do you have to be the only annoying one?"

"That's my job. Pizza?"

"I can't, I'm meeting Dexter." Valkyrie said and both Skulduggery and Alice groaned. "What?"

"Valkyrie, I personally don't know what he is doing. I mean, he is almost four-hundred years older than you and was gay for two hundred of those years." Skulduggery frowned.

"Skulduggery, he isn't _gay,_ he is _bi._ There is a difference. Now, can you drop me off at the Sanctuary?"

"I suppose. Alison, do you want me to drop you home first, or are you coming with me?"

"I'll come with you. I prefer your house. It's just all living rooms." Alice grinned, thinking about the lack of boring stuff like bathrooms and the amount of comfy couches that are just asking to be collapsed on.

Once Skulduggery had dropped her at the Sanctuary, Valkyrie took the lift to Dexter Vex's office. He hadn't wanted an office job, but due to his injuries, he couldn't go 'out where people move' anymore, as he puts it.

She knocked. There was no answer. She went in anyway. Vex's office smelled nice. It was like rosemary and fresh paint.

She sat in his chair at his desk and fiddled with his computer for about three seconds before Dexter came storming into his office looking extremely pissed off.

His face lit up when he saw her. "Valkyrie, how nice of you to drop by. I was just about to call you."

"Dexter, you literally called me about two hours ago telling me to meet you here at eight. It is eight in five, four, three, two, one… now!" She grins, counting down with the Mario clock on the wall.

"Oh. Did I? I totally forgot. I was just in a meeting with China and she's thinking about appointing me as an Elder and it ended in me screaming at her and her sending me away to 'let off some steam'. She said that she could have me beheaded if I talked to her like that again. I mean, I don't even know why she's Grand Mage. She's totally untrustworthy and is pretty crap at politics. I mean, the only thing she cares about is her and her books. I don't understand why she can't just resign and let someone who would be good at it to have the job."

"What? Like you?" Valkyrie got up out of her chair and went to stand in front of him.

"Ha ha, hilarious. I would rather be beheaded than take that job."

"Exactly. It's like that book that came out… I can't remember what it's called but anyway, the people in it only let people who don't want power to have power so that there is no corruption. I don't think it works in the end, but it's a nice thought."

Dexter put his arm round Valkyrie's waist. "I don't think that would work."

"Why not?"

"Because it would just be an endless cycle of people resigning."

"Oh. Well. I never thought of that. Do you want to get food?"

"Um… yeah I do. We have the choice of bad Sanctuary food or bad pub food. Your choice."

"Hmm, I think I'll go for the pub food. At least it isn't served by those creeps down there."

"Hey, the cooks are not creeps, they just like… people. Anyway, I haven't checked on Scapegrace in a while."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Dexter led the way through the Sanctuary, pausing only to tie his shoelace. As they burst out into the cool air, four people in ski-masks were being led in by one of the less accomplished of the Sanctuaries detectives and three Cleavers.

"Hey, Clover." Valkyrie said in greeting when they walked past. She disapproved of his name; it was just so stereotypical that it hurt. He nodded at her but didn't smile. He never really smiled.

The turned the corner and walked about ten meters before opening the door to 'The Dark and Stormy Knight', Vaurien Scapegrace's pub, and stepping inside.

It wasn't a very good pub. It was a place where the lowest of the low went to get cheap drink and some eye-candy.

The eye-candy almost squealed when he saw Valkyrie. He came running up to her and gave her a weird, excited hug.

"Valkyrie, it is just so great to see you." He said, his woman voice and woman body making it hard for her to remember it _was_ actually Scapegrace.

"Yeah, you too. You serve food here, right?" She said, stepping away from his arms.

Thrasher poked his big, handsome head out from behind the bar. "We sure do. I make the finest mac n'…"

"Shut up, Thrasher." Scapegrace frowned, and then turned back to Valkyrie and Dexter. "What do you want to drink?"

They ordered their drinks then went to sit in the corner of the pub, where they could see the whole pub. Thrasher came back with two glasses and two menus.

"Today's specials are… actually, we don't have any specials. What can I get you?"

"Um… I'll have the steak." Dexter said, squinting at the menu.

"Yeah, so will I actually." Valkyrie wasn't very impressed with the food they served but Thrasher knew how to cook a stake.

He went away again and Dexter rolled his eyes. "Honestly. They practically worship you. So… how was your day?"

"Yeah, it was good. We ended up getting chased by this big monster thing but I kicked it in the head a few times and everyone was okay. We weren't sure what to do with it so we tied it to the tree for China to deal with."

"Cool. Sounds fun." Dexter always gets a wistful look when she talked about fighting things. Because of his injuries fighting Darquesse, he walked with a limp and wasn't allowed to do anything that might bring it back on again. China was very firm when she told him that he wasn't to go out punching things.

"Hey." Valkyrie reached over and touched his hand. "You're not missing much. Honest. So… have you got anything planned over Christmas?"

"Yeah, I'm working." He replied bitterly.

"Good. My parents want to meet you. They said you're welcome to come for Christmas, but you'll have to deal with Beryl and Fergus, so I'll understand if you don't want to."

"No, it sounds good." He said, but not before hesitating.

"You hesitated."

"What, no I didn't."

"Yeah, you did. You don't have to, it was just an idea."

Thrasher came then with the food. "Here you go. Oh… damn, I forgot cutlery." He rushed away again.

"No, I will. It's either with you or alone, and I much prefer the idea of being with you."

"And my scary family. Okay, I'll tell them you said yes. By the way, there is no getting out of it now."

Thrasher came back with knives and forks and they started eating.

"God, I'm hungry. I haven't eaten all day." Dexter said, practically inhaling the meat.

Valkyrie laughed and he blushed. "Sorry."

She tucked in and after about ten minutes, Scapegrace came bustling over. "Is everything alright over here?" He asked. The both look up and nod and he smiled, but didn't go away.

"So, Valkyrie, have you done anything exciting recently? Any new cases you might need help with?"

"Yeah, actually, I'm trying to solve the case of the waiter who won't get lost." She muttered and Scapegrace's whole face dropped.

"Oh! Sorry. I was just offering help." He ran away and three wolf-whistles from other customers.

"That was harsh… and not very funny." Dexter raised an eyebrow. Normally, Valkyrie was much funnier when she was bullying people into doing things.

"Yeah, sorry. Just remembering that time he threw me off that tower."

"God, remind me not to ever piss you off, you'll never let it go."

After they had finished and Scapegrace had insisted that their meal was on the house, they made their way to Dexter's mini apartment. It really was tiny. All he ever did here was sleep though, so it didn't need anything else.

"Welcome to Castle de la Dexter." He said, pushing open the door.

"I can tell you are fluent in French." Valkyrie grinned, following him through to the living room.

"Yup, how did you guess?" He sank down on the sofa and Valkyrie sat next to him.

"Oh, I don't know." She said, flicking her hair out of her eyes. "It must've been the accent."

This made Dexter grin. He was about to say something else, but Valkyrie was too quick and had already closed his mouth with hers.

At that moment, Valkyrie felt completely happy. Dexter adjusted himself on the sofa and pulled her onto his lap. She sighed and pushed her hands into his hair. After his 'accident', he had let it grow out. It was now floppy and got in his eyes, but Valkyrie liked it like that.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close. He had never felt something quite like what he felt for her. Kissing her was like seeing the sun after years of darkness. It just felt so good, almost like relief.

"Dexter?" She said after a few minutes.

"Shh…" He groaned, kissing her again.

She pulled away again. "No, seriously. Can I ask you something?"

He muttered something but looked at her. "It depends. Is it going to dampen the mood?"

"Probably."

"Oh, well, no you may not."

She ignored him. "It just that… doesn't it bother you that I used to be the most powerful, evil supervillain that there has ever been?"

"Um… no, not really."

"Like, it is technically my fault you're not allowed to go out on cases anymore."

He thought about that. "Look, if I wanted to go out punching people, I could. I don't have to work for the Sanctuary. I _chose_ to, okay."

"Yeah… but I still ruined your leg."

"No, you didn't, Darquesse did."

"But it was technically me."

"No it wasn't."

"Yeah, it was."

"Valkyrie, I am telling you that I don't care, okay. I really, honestly don't. Can you drop it? I was enjoying myself."

"Right, sorry. I just had to know."

"Do you want some tea?"

"Well… not really. And I bet you've run out of tea bags."

"That's true, I have. How did you know?"

"You never go the shop." Valkyrie grinned, kissing his chin. She liked his chin; it was like what she imagined Batman's chin would look like.

"Oh, you know me so well." He kissed her again and he felt her relax. "Okay?"

"Okay." She moved her hands down to the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it up over his head. He was wearing a vest underneath. "Seriously?" She laughed.

"It's starting to get colder. You have to be prepared." He grinned and she pulled the vest off too.

"Mmm…" She sighed as she ran her hands across his back. His skin was smooth, except for the occasional scar.

And just as Dexter was about to take her top off too, the doorbell rang.

Valkyrie went to answer it while Dexter put his top back on. Outside, Fletcher Renn stood, blood pouring from a wound in his shoulder.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

They'd been sitting in the sanctuary for a ten minutes and Valkyrie was pacing.

"You should probably sit down." Dexter said, grabbing her arm on the way past.

"I really don't want to."

"Please? Skulduggery will be here in a minute, he's just dropping off Alice."

"He won't care if I'm standing up."

Dexter sighed and let her go. She walked up to one of the Cleavers and it turned its head and reached for its scythe.

"It's fine! I was just walking, Jesus." She turned around and walked back, just as Tanith Low walked through the doorway.

"Hey, Val. Dexter. How are we?" She grinned. She went to give Valkyrie a hug, and then looked at her face for the first time. "Oh shit, what's wrong?"

"It's Fletcher."

"What happened?"

"We haven't the foggiest." Dexter mumbled, reaching for his phone, which was buzzing.

"Oh. How long's he been in there?"

"About twenty minutes. He came to Dexter's flat and Synecdoche took him from there. We haven't seen him since." Valkyrie slumped against Dexter, who was standing now and having a heated argument with someone on the phone. He wrapped an arm around her waist automatically and Tanith raised an eyebrow.

"Look, I'd really like to stay and see if he's okay, but I'm _extremely_ late for something, so I need to go. Text me when he's okay, alright. I'm sorry, I'll see you later." Tanith patted her arm and walked out into the night.

"Look, I really couldn't care less about you effing _laws,_ this is people's lives you are talking about… Yeah but that's just unreasonable…" They both looked up when Doctor Synecdoche walked in the room. "Look, I really have to go; I'll phone you back later. Bye." He hung up and stuffed his phone in his pocket.

"Right, Fletcher is going to be fine, he lost a lot of blood, but not too much that we couldn't give him a transplant. It was some kind of poisoned spear or something but it was definitely not a bullet or knife. It had some kind of toxin on it. It wasn't magical or anything, just poison, we're doing more tests on the sample. He's going to be pretty rough for the next couple of weeks so take it easy when he wakes up. You can come in now, though."

They followed the doctor into the infirmary and through the halls of beds and tables until they got to one with a curtain around it. They must have had to operate straight away. Fletcher was laying under three duvets, sleeping. His hair was as crazy as normal and his chest was bandaged. He was pale, and had a burn on his forehead. And he was smiling.

"I knew you still couldn't resist me." He muttered, lightly chuckling, which turned into heavy coughing.

Dexter frowned, but Valkyrie laughed. "Oh get over yourself."

Skulduggery joined them a few minutes later and they waited until Fletcher had gone back to sleep before discussing what happened.

"And he didn't say anything before he was unconscious?"

"Nope, nothing."

"Right, we're going to have to wait until he wakes up then. You can go home if you want. Alison is with your parents at the house, I told them you probably won't be home tonight." Skulduggery turned his head to Dexter. "Am I correct?"

Valkyrie blushed. "Yeah, you probably are. Is it okay if we leave Synecdoche? We're just getting in the way here."

"Okay, I'll phone you if he wakes up or anything."

Skulduggery led the way out, and he got into the Bentley. "I'll see you tomorrow. Have fun, children." He drove away and Dexter rolled his eyes.

"God, I'm three days older than he is. Right, let's go."

It was past midnight and the streetlights were turning everything a horrible brown-orange colour. They walked hand in hand and Valkyrie was biting her nails.

"That's not good for you."

"I know. I just want to hurt whoever did that. Really bad. I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep."

He glanced at her face. "That suits me." She punched his arm.

He unlocked the door to his apartment for the second time that night and they both collapsed on the kitchen chairs, because they couldn't be bothered to walk to the living room. Dexter reached forward and rubbed her arm.

"Valkyrie, he'll be okay. He'll heal."

"Yeah, I know that, I just want to know who did it. I want to make them suffer."

"You can torture them tomorrow, okay? Let's just go to bed, because it's late and I'm tired, and you're tired and it's freezing in here."

They walk into Dexter's bedroom, which was only big enough for a double-bed and a desk. Valkyrie shrugged off her jacket and trousers and got under the covers, where Dexter was already lying.

"Okay?" He asked, kissing her jaw.

"Yeah. Goodnight Dexter, I like your face, okay."

He smiled, but she was already asleep. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer, before falling asleep himself.


End file.
